One of the best examples of Growth Mindset I have ever seen happened years ago while I was waiting in line for a coffee at Budapest Airport.
A father was standing in front of me with his son, who was probably five or six years old. They were speaking English, so I could understand their conversation. To keep his son entertained during the wait, the father showed him a simple trick. He placed a coin on his elbow, quickly dropped his forearm and caught the coin in his hand.
The boy thought it was great and immediately wanted to learn it himself. After a couple of attempts he became frustrated and said, “I can’t do it.” The father immediately corrected him.
“You can’t do it yet.”
By that point I was already familiar with the concept of Growth Mindset and the importance of the word yet. It is a small word, but it changes everything. “I can’t do it” is a conclusion. The case is closed. “I can’t do it yet” leaves open the possibility that with practice, effort and time you might eventually learn it.
The father impressed me by less than a minute he demonstrated patience, encouragement, presence and emotional intelligence. He did not criticise the boy, did not tell him to try harder: simply adjusted one word and completely changed the meaning of the situation.
I never spoke to him, but I remember thinking that this little boy was lucky to have a father like that. I was genuinely close to tapping him on the shoulder and telling him that he had handled that moment brilliantly.
A few years ago I came across the concept of Growth Mindset. Like many management and leadership concepts, I initially found it interesting, but I did not think it would fundamentally change the way I approach work or life. The idea itself is relatively straightforward: skills can be developed, mistakes are part of learning and the main message is, challenges are opportunities for growth rather than tests of ability. None of this sounded particularly controversial.
Looking back, it probably took me close to two years before I started using it naturally in everyday situations. It is one thing to agree with the theory and another thing entirely to embrace it when you are dealing with a difficult project, a critical piece of feedback, or a situation where you simply do not know the answer.
I gradually realised that many of the situations I found uncomfortable had less to do with the actual challenge and more to do with my own expectations. Somewhere along the way I had developed the belief that experienced professionals should already know the answer, should be able to perform immediately and should not need to ask too many questions. The problem is that these expectations are not particularly helpful when you are trying to learn something new. They tend to push you towards protecting your image rather than expanding your capabilities.
For me, that was the real value of Growth Mindset. It allowed me to stop treating every unfamiliar situation as an examination. Instead of asking myself whether I was good enough, I started asking what I could learn. Instead of worrying about appearing knowledgeable, I became more comfortable admitting that I did not know something yet. That small shift sounds trivial, but in practice it changes a great deal.
Over time I came to appreciate the word “yet”, the moment we tell ourselves that we cannot do something, that we are not good at something, or that we will never understand something, we stop learning. Adding “yet” keeps the conversation open.
Then, during the McKinsey Forward programme, I came across another framework that immediately caught my attention, it was remarkably simple consisted of only three words: Awareness, Pause and Reframe.
Growth Mindset helped me understand that I do not need to know everything and that learning is often more important than proving. The APR model gives a way to recognise the moments when I was slipping back into old habits and reacting automatically rather than deliberately.
Because the reality is that most of us do not struggle with understanding these concepts. We struggle with recognising what is happening in the moment. We receive critical feedback, somebody disagrees with us, a project starts going off track, or life simply does not unfold according to plan. Before we know it, we have already interpreted the situation, assigned meaning to it and reacted. The APR model attempts to interrupt that process.
- Become aware of what is happening in your mind.
- Pause.
- Reframe the situation through a different lens.
Simple in theory. Surprisingly difficult in practice. Yet incredibly powerful when you remember to use it.
The table below summarises the mindset shifts; how to recognise them, and a few questions that can help move from an automatic reaction to a more constructive response.
| From | To | Trigger Word | Typical Inner Dialogue | Useful Question |
| Fixed | Growth | Yet | “I can’t do this.” | What can I learn from this situation? |
| Expert | Curious | Wonder | “I should already know.” | What questions have I not asked yet? |
| Reactive | Creative | Imagine | “We have a problem.” | What opportunity might exist here? |
| Victim | Agent | Choose | “There is nothing I can do.” | What can I influence? |
| Scarcity | Abundance | Enough | “There is not enough.” | What could a win-win outcome look like? |
| Certainty | Exploration | Experiment | “I need to know first.” | What might I discover if I try a different approach? |
| Protection | Opportunity | Possible | “How do I avoid failure?” | What positive outcome could emerge from this? |
